If you want to know, I’m totally in need of attention. Perhaps this obsessive neediness is why I adore acting in theater productions. You don’t realize how much I crave and actually start to have withdrawals if I fail to get my fix of at least one theater acting role per season over at the community town theater.
Yes, I’m an attention starved actor and blogger who is feeling a bit insecure at this moment.
ATTENTION, please feed it to me!
It’s Friday night, well Saturday early morning now, since I can’t seem to press the publish button yet and everyone I know is busy! Busy doing their own world and I’m here . . . with you, and in need. Well, you, meaning my computer screen and keyboard. A glass of beer is here too. Well, that’s been way gone a long time ago. Sigh.
Wait. I’ll be right back. My automatic rice cooker just beeped done and I guess that means I need to eat something. Hmmn . . . I wonder what would go well with the need for attention?
Come along if you like and you can see what a
flourishing starving actor/ blogger eats.
You know, in some ways, blogging is a lot like going through with an audition. You hope the director will cast you for the lead role and if not, at least get a minor role-playing any character you can land! (I’m both starving and desperate!)
And here I type away at my blog and secretly hope, when I press the publish button, that many, many readers will enjoy my posts.
You see, once you’ve auditioned for a part or pressed the publish button after putting your heart and soul into the one post you feel will get the view numbers for your stats skyrocketing beyond your wildest dreams, you have to wait. Wait, I tell you!!
Wait for the director to call you with the good news that you landed a lead part!
Wait for the blog readers you know will pour in at any moment now.
Then, after a zillion thoughts of how you should have written this or read the part in a different voice for the audition, the phone rings.
“Yes, this is she. Oh, I see. You were looking for an older female lead? I see. . .”
(This is what’s really going on in my brain: Umm, is the director really telling me the truth or did I totally fail during auditions?? I must have failed! I didn’t bring the character to life so the director has a better actor to play the part! I knew I should have . . .)
“You would like me to play a minor role as a, what??
Did I hear you say, you would like to cast me as the hooker in your play?
Erm, uh, gee, okay?!”
Hey, a part is a part, right??
Well, this attention hungry, wanna-be-
famous actor/ wanna-be- famous blogger, is doing what she has learned best from lots of rehearsals–acting the lead role of waiting for that golden moment to arrive . . . it should be any minute now.
What can I say. I’m a bit ashamed to have told you of my insecure mental gymnastics I perform after every audition and after every published post. Perhaps I should remind myself of the famous words by Harold W. Dodds, that,
Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best. ( brainyquote.com)
Have you felt a need for attention or the knock of insecurity lately?
Cheers to the insecurities we each face and the best that comes from it!