Here are two easy tips to achieve weakness. That’s right, weakness. These days, with so much emphasis on strengthening the physical self and the mental health self, sometimes you have to swim against the tide, so to speak, and quickly learn to identify how much strength you carry around, then downgrade this strength by activating the two rules suggested below to gain complete weakness over yourself in a timely manner.
1. Physical weakness: If you are working out at a gym at least three times a week, it would be best to take it down to twice a month or maybe cancel your contract all together. If you have a non-refundable contract, then spend as little time there as possible and never, ever, hook up with a personal physical trainer. For the new year resolutions, be sure to not sign on for any Zumba or Pilates classes either. The fastest way to physical weakness is to take as many days off from work as possible, delegate any physical labor type work around the house you may have to your immediate family that resides with you, (if you are single, sorry, you’ll need to hire out the manual labor), and with your time, grab the television remote and plant your self in front of the 42″ flat screen television or better yet, resolve to spend most of your day laying down–anywhere– and move very little. You could be somewhat productive by blogging all day. The weakness police won’t hold that against you. Now, if you commit to this regimen and faithfully follow your intentions, physical weakness should evolve very quickly. I would speed up the weakness by also eating lots of junk and fast foods. Be sure to stay away from anything labeled fresh and healthy. Let me emphasize that, NO FRESH FOODS OR HEALTHY ANYTHING! Drink only high caffeine beverages, no water and take up smoking tobacco. When they legalize drugs, well, you can smoke that then.
2. Mental health weakness: The best and fastest way to achieve mental health weakness is to think weak thoughts. You know, thoughts like, I know I can’t do this…I’m not smart enough…not beautiful enough…too old…too young…I had a rough upbringing…my parent(s) are in jail…I was in foster care…too fat…too skinny…too ugly…I’m a divorced and financially poor single parent…my parent(s) are on drugs…I was abandoned as a kid…I’m an addict…my kindergarten teacher flunked me…blah, blah, blah …
It’s best to replay your favorite weak thoughts throughout your day and you need to be sure, now, this is very, very, very important, to drop any ambitions you may have about anything. The only life ambition you want to focus on is your own weakness. Focus on how you have no talent, nothing to achieve or give to society, you are a big loser and simply a dead beat, good for nothing, weakling.
After you have your weak thoughts trained to run on auto pilot, you have to lie like crazy! According to Jean Paul Richter, weaklings must lie. To your boss, spouse, kids, neighbors and even your own parents, lie…lie…lie! All day long, just live a lying life.
If you find yourself wanting more inspiration on how to become and stay as weak as possible, there are tons of people waiting to unload their wisdom on you, such as:
John Wayne, telling you, “never say sorry – it’s a sign of weakness!”
If you hurt or offend anyone, be sure never tell them you’re sorry. Cut in line at the grocery store, drive like a maniac, yell at your boss and argue with your spouse, these are just a few things you can practice doing and never worry about uttering sorry ever again! The freedom that comes with weakness!
And never tell anyone you love them since Ralph Waldo Emerson advises:
“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re alive.”
Right then, it’s time to put into practice all
we you have learned here about achieving the weak spot in our your life, so remember my friend, focus your life on these two easy and simple rules, its guaranteed to bring you 100% sweet success in becoming the world’s weakest wimp you ever dreamed of.
Inspiration: Daily WP #343: Where do you find strength?.
Photo & quote credits: Flickr, www.dumb.com, www.worldofquotes.com